Dear Lady. Ann:
We met online during evening of Friday sabbath summer 2019 and he was devout, into God professing to be prophet. I had prayed for a husband and put this man into prayer before meeting online. We talked a lot about God over phone in 2019 and went on a date but he said I needed to lose weight and improve image, which I did. He told me on the first date that looking good was important to him and exercise and keeping her shape. On the date, he tried to sleep with me and said I could have you if I want to. He is black African. I declined. During 2020, we met up once again and spoke regularly during the week over the phone. In October 2020, he asked me if I want to hang out with him more and think about being engaged.
He wanted to sleep with me before engagement but I said no. In mid November 2020, he suggested living together to get to know more about each other whilst engaged before marriage. I was led by him as he was a mature Christian over 10 years and he had been in godly relationships before but they separated before marriage. He said the Lord had moved him on so not to waste time, He proposed in bed which shocked me as it didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Almost as if it made him feel validated that he could now go ahead and sleep with me. I questioned him about the sleeping together during engagement, he said God knows and allows it as we’re engaged and God found us this home.
After 3 weeks of moving in and sleeping together, he called off the engagement, he said it didn’t feel right, no discussion. Then in January we slept together again, I thought we were back together but no, he told me that was nothing, just urge and he was putting our relationship on hold as he wants me to focus on God and focus on getting a place in the kingdom of God. He said a place in the kingdom of God is more important than a wife as I may not get in and he would have to leave me behind. I believed him. He also told me he would wait for me in the kingdom of God. During this breakup, he wanted to be just friends living in same house together including after he slept with me. He said sleeping with me meant nothing and I was accommodating.
I thought about us getting back together during this time, he kept saying if I make improvement in housework and self and with knowledge and understanding, he would reconsider but I just think it’s all excuses as boundaries keep changing and excuses. He said I’m his best friend but friends wouldn’t treat you like this if they meant something to you like care, like he says he does. I think he is broken himself but won’t commit for fear of pain. He is still agonizing over losing his 2 kids in USA over 10 years ago to his ex, never hears from them. How can a godly prophetic man mess me about like this? I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I still have feelings for him even if he thinks I’m to be played.
Do kingdom of God marriages exist? Why would he use me this way? He professes not to lie but I feel he has misled me into believing he was different because devout Christian would not. I feel I have been manipulated so he can get his own way. I have put into prayer to God about us. How can God allow this to happen or is this Satan destroying a kingdom marriage? I’m so confused. He flits from being friendly accommodating to cold hard dependent on his mood and awkward in helping me out. Is there a future for us? Does his brokenness justify his behavior to me? He feels nothing is broken about him. He has expressed he felt pain with us and if we worked, wouldn’t have split up but there was no discussion when he took the engagement ring off, wouldn’t even talk about us anymore saying no us!