Dear Lady. Ann:
Good Morning! I need some sound advice. My husband had an affair and my heart was truly crushed. I have been with my husband since we were 14 years old, we are 41 years old, we’ve been married for 14 years and we have 4 grown children. I’ve dealt with a lot of unfaithfulness in the relationship, but nothing ever like this. I’m so confused, as I want to walk away and a part of me feels like I’m supposed to stay. He’s also an alcoholic and that’s just a whole different beast. I was born and raised in the church and at one point had just quit going. I had gone against everything that I was taught as I was growing up. I was living with my husband and we weren’t married, we continued to have sex and children and thus. I had convinced myself that since I wasn’t promiscuous and that my husband was the only man that I had ever been with that my actions were justified, well God spoke to me and advised me otherwise.
My husband had been wanting to get married but I didn’t. Finally, the last time he asked I agreed and we got married. God had been dealing with me about living in sin! After about 5 years of being married, I rededicated my life to Christ, and became actively involved in church, he joined the church and began to do the same things, family members were in his ear about how I changed him and how he was soft and so on, and then a lot of confusion broke out in the church and he quit coming. He began to attack my faith, say that Jesus wasn’t real and a lot of things. He began to drink more and more started back smoking marijuana, it was a living hell to live with him. He and I had a disagreement and he began to attack my faith and I responded to his attack, the next day I was rushed to the hospital( with him on the couch) and had to have an emergency appendectomy. They went and found him to come to the hospital, he said no and didn’t come.
I began to resent him for that, because I had been there for him through everything. I realize now that I was wrong, but I began to shut him out, I was angry. Not to mention the fact the the drinking got worse, the verbal, emotional, and mental abuse got worse! I shut completely down. I felt like in wake of everything that I was going through in that season he left me alone! He said I shut him out and he thought we were done so he turned to this lady. They had an affair for about 2 years. The Lord dealt with me about the error of my ways and I apologized to my husband for my behavior. He admitted to the affair and said it had stopped but lied. He lied about everything. He was cheating with other people from Facebook, paying people for oral sex, Sending messages to my friends, and people we know about having sex and so much more.
I want to walk away because I’m humiliated and don’t want to look like a fool. I feel like I’m getting older and don’t want to waste anymore time with someone that clearly doesn’t love or respect me or our union. I’ve been praying but honestly, I can’t hear God clearly right now. I just want to be happy!!! I want to not only be loved. I want to be respected. He gets angry if I want to talk About it and thinks that I should just forget about it. He says he’s done with her, but I feel like she’s done with him, that’s why he’s done with her. I don’t want to be a option/resort for anyone, I don’t want him to be with me because it’s convenient. I want to know that he loves me and feel secure about being with him. Right now I’m embarrassed to be with him, because of everything that he does and has done. There’s so much more, but I’ll stop here! Please keep me and my marriage in your prayers!