Dear Lady. Ann:
This might be a lengthy letter but I really need guidance on this. I was in a committed relationship for 5 1/2 years. We went to separate churches but occasionally we go to each other’s. We were well known in terms of people knew we were dating. Unfortunately through the relationship he was talking to someone else which he said was a friend and I should not worry about it at all. Knowing that he was secretly speaking to her, I would often tell him to stop because it was a threat to the relationship. He never did so when he would tell me what to do, I would get angry and latch out by saying “you can’t tell me what to do if you’re not listening to me, you can’t say you want me to be submissive and listen to everything if you’re not playing the part”.
We’ve argued most of the relationship but we did have a lot of good days (travelled with family and friends). Both of our parents saw marriage for us and so did we. We would’ve been married already but we both had student loans and etc. to pay off before we entered a marriage plus I’m still in nursing school. When we broke up last year it took a huge toll on my body. The same week we broke up was the same week he started dating her. I went into full depression, anxiety, I lost my self worth and I had suicidal thoughts (I tried to swallow 20 pills but my mother caught it in time and put her finger down my throat). It was so hard plus with the stress from school. I lost over 30 pounds in one week.
During the whole break up while he was in another relationship we would often fornicate with each other which was wrong! He left the county to go visit his girlfriend which obviously they fornicated as well. When he returned we hardly spoke because I was doing the 40 days with Apostle Vivian. It was such a blessing, I was able to get healing and see back my self worth for myself. I kept him blocked but one day he reached out to my mother that he wanted to talk to me. I was hesitant at first but then I unlocked him. We argued for a bit but we apologized each other!
That same night he said he was bored and if I wanted to play games, so silly me said ok and went over. During that night zero games were played because we were fornicating that night. That same night his girlfriend called multiple times before he finally picked up and lied to her saying he was tired and wants to rest. It was that moment when I felt my conscience telling me I worked to hard to get healing and look at what you did. This continued on till now. His mother is aware of what is happening, yet she hasn’t spoken to him about it but encourages it. When I asked her about it she said “I love you very dearly and I always will so what you two are doing doesn’t bother me” (he also comes from a bloodline of cheating and etc.).
To this day she thinks he stopped communicating with me which makes her feel like nothing is going on between us. The first time anything happened to us she dreamt it and spoke to him about it but it continued. I’m not too sure if she’s still dreaming about it but she hasn’t said anything about it to him. Unfortunately this weekend we went away for a few days to take our minds off things but he lied to his girlfriend the three days we were together and made up random excuses to why he cannot speak to her.
At this point I don’t know what to do. I woke up this morning and I felt so much guilt within myself. I personally wanted to tell her what is going on because no one deserves that but at the same time it is not my part to say anything because I believe it should be him. He’s been lying to her from August- February and I really can’t deal with how I feel. She has blocked me from Facebook so I definitely can not tell her.
I would like her to really see the type of person he really is. I recently found out that I’m not the only one that he’s slept with during his relationship with his girlfriend. He’s not going to stop any time soon and that’s what bothers me. I have reblocked him but before I blocked him he said he would like for us to do it again but he would have to find a way to lie to her so he can find a weekend. I have subtracted myself from the situation but honestly it is hard. I started to develop back feelings for the person which I didn’t want.
Seeing what has happened made me so very fearful of being in a relationship. I do see myself getting married one day which has always been a desire. My family believes witch craft played a role because of the way the relationship ended. I just need advice and prayers on what to do or pray that God shows her what’s really going on and the type of person he is because she deserves so much better as do I. I also do believe strongly in “what you sow you shall reap” but at what point would that even manifest itself?!