Dear Lady. Ann:
My Boyfriend and I rushed things in our relationship. When we first started dating, I was on my big girl stuff. Went to work, school, had a spot and took care of my oldest child. I was unhappy though. Prior to that, I had just gotten out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. I felt different when I met him. He made me feel better than I already did. He would drive 10 to 15 minutes to see me on break almost every day and our communication was amazing. Then we decided to have a baby….everything was fine until I had the baby.
Postpartum depression hit. And EVERYTHING changed. By this time we’ve been together a year and then our communication began to change. His words were changing, and because I’m super, duper observant, I noticed these things and started tripping. Every time I get stressed, he says I’m “doing it to myself”, granted I know I’ve changed too. I started self-harming, making threats, just angry. I began to hate myself. I never felt insecure, mean, angry, hateful until now. We fight constantly but I feel like its only my side being told in this letter and not his as well so I don’t know how to even talk about this.
Our relationship has become toxic. We fight and argue all the time it seems; in front of our kids, family, company, hell even in public. We had broken up in the past and gotten back together 6 months later, but everything still remained the same. I can’t express any emotion without being judged, ridiculed, or told I’m making things up. I’m not going to say he’s cheating because this is a different thing. I don’t know if he’s just with me because of the kids, but this doesn’t feel like love anymore.
I wanted to leave but we realized I was pregnant again. Instead of trusting my own gut, I let him be with me and when I told him not to finish inside, he said “f**k it” that he was going to do it. I feel like I’m trapped, especially because our 1 y/o cries whenever we aren’t together as a family. And now it’s my fault I’m stressed and pregnant. I want to leave now but I literally can not save money to go. I don’t know how things would turn out for me if I leave when he makes like 3x what I have. I’m even seeing a therapist by myself because I feel like this is all because of me. I just want advice, whether I’m judged for ignorance or not. I just want to be me again.
-Fed Up
#DLATribe, what do you think she should do? Couples counseling or walk away?