Dear Lady. Ann:
My last relationship did a lot of damage to me. It was for 19 months but the worst time of my life. The last straw for me was when I realized I had gotten herpes from him. He knew he was infected and never told me about it. We were sexually active, and he didn’t see any need to tell me I could have caught herpes too because of him. When I found out I had caught it, I called him, angry af (of course!) and was screaming on the phone. He kept talking about how I must have caught it from someone else and all that nonsense. It was a nasty break up, but I blocked that fool afterward. I have been celibate since then, but that is because I am so scared of being in another relationship. My last relationship was so toxic, I now think every man is like him.
I met someone new and we have been talking for months. We go out on dates sometimes, but I keep trying to slow things down. I know I need to heal but also, I am afraid of telling any man that I have herpes. I am so embarrassed by it, I don’t even want to have to tell anyone that. Not even my close friends or family know I have it. I don’t want to have to hear how they knew he wasn’t the right one for me or even watch them look at me with pity in their eyes. Now, this new guy seems cool and he’s not one of those losers. He’s pretty focused and keeps trying to help me pursue my dreams. I fear he would walk away if I told him I had herpes, but I can’t be sexually active with him without letting him know. How do I let him know? Or should I just walk away from him although he makes me happy? This is the happiest I have been since my last break up. Please help. I would also like to remain anonymous.
-Scared To Love
#DLATribe, how should she tell him she has herpes?