Dear Lady. Ann:
I’ve recently “stumbled” on your YouTube video & I liked your teachings and prayers. I’m in my thirties & I went through hell when it comes to relationships. I lost my virginity to a so called “pastor” & I could not recall what happened on that day. It was as if I was under a spell. I later found out that he was in the occult & was sent to sacrifice a virgin, of which he handpicked me, with the “help” of his wife. It’s a painful day to remember till this day & I cannot forgive myself or him & his wife. At times I find myself declaring curses at them & their children (but I had to repent when I found out that it’s ungodly to do so). However, I’m still angry with them. All the years I spent saving myself for marriage are gone & I feel useless & foolish (I was 28 at the time it happened).
Out of anger, pain & hurt, I met another man, who was my counsellor, the connection between us became unhealthy & I slept with him (I did this so I don’t have to recall the first ordeal I went through). I was emotionally vulnerable, angry with GOD for everything. This man is married too, & I carry with me this guilt EVERYDAY, for years now. Looking back at all that, I was never in the right state of mind & my counselor took advantage of me. However, I do acknowledge my partaking in this, that’s why I am confessing today because I need GOD’S MERCY.
I need freedom, & I want to go back into ministry, as I have realized that I have a call on my life. But I am guilt stricken & I feel like if I start teaching, who will listen to what I have to say after all the things I have done? I think about telling the man’s wife about the affair, but I do not want to do the damage I have already done. Pray with me, to have peace & turn on a new page. Also, for 12 years now, I never had a relationship with a man, it’s like am invisible to them. I went through trauma as a child too, I have no relationship with my parents or family members. I feel alone in this world. I don’t trust pastors anymore, especially MEN & I am always suspecting everyone, thinking that they are out to hurt me. There’s a lot of attacks on my life, career, my mind, and am depressed. I was depressed to a point that I felt like dying, sometimes I feel like am going mental, it’s scary. Please pray for me, for GOD to have MERCY on me for the Sins I have committed.
(Kindly withhold my name)