Dear Lady. Ann:
Hello, thank you for having this amazing platform. My name is Steffi from Indonesia and I am single. Please allow me to tell a bit of my story. I have a crush for these past 2 years. I believed that he was the ‘one’ God sent to me or at least I believed that it wasn’t a coincidence that I got to met and know him. I was super sure that God somehow someway allowed us to meet and to know each other. We met for the first time in Japan and was introduced to each other through my friend. I was studying abroad at that time and he was there for holiday. We met again later on because he went to my church in Jakarta, Indonesia. He then later on invited me to join his cell group. I accepted and from then on I kept going to his cell group and getting close with him.
He is super nice and friendly to me. Way too nice if I may say. He was the one who initiated the first conversation with me. I’m a total introvert and shy person, I couldn’t pull a friendly gesture to someone I just met. But he was super friendly, super nice, and acted as a gentleman whenever we hung out. He replied to my Instagram stories sometimes and he pulled a farewell party for me when I was going back to Japan. In which I was super happy and touched because its the first time that someone ever pulled such a sweet gesture to me. Long story short, its been 2 years already and I have always liked him since the beginning. I also believe (or want to believe) that he’s also interested in me although I’m not 100% sure because he never asked me out on a date or something.
The thing is I found out earlier that he’s not into a relationship at the moment since he wants to focus on his career and ministry. Also, there’s a rumor that he’s closed with another girl but they don’t date each other. I’m super torn and heart broken. I felt like my feelings, or my belief were lying to me. I feel like I’m letting myself be deceived by my self. By my own emotions, feelings, thoughts, and instinct. I always pray for me and him to actually be a ‘thing’ but God seems so silent about it. I really don’t know what to do. Or what to feel. I’m tired of having this feelings for him, hoping for him, without any certainty.