Dear Lady. Ann:
I hope this email finds you well. I have been in love with a man from 2016. It’s so amazing yet crazy how we met. Long story short- I had recently moved to a new city. He is from the new city I moved to, but we met in my home town while we both were visiting. He was on a boys trip and I was just going back home for the weekend. About 3 weeks after meeting each other we decided to go out on a date. From that first date, he was very honest with me and told me that he wasn’t looking for a committed relationship at the moment- which I respected. However, as time went by we became great friends and lovers too. The city I moved to, I had no family or nearby friends there. I was a foreigner in a strange land. (Which is a move God had directed me to do, so I listened). Years went by and our friendship grew and so did our love.
Now, I hadn’t been seeing or dating anyone for 5 years prior to me meeting him. I had my heart broken twice, but God! Once, when I was engaged to my daughter’s father and the other, when I was in a relationship. I am 30 years old and I have had two boyfriends my entire life. I met his family, his friends, his children. Miss Ann, more and more my love got deeper for him. I had never experienced the level of RESPECT and LOVE that guy showed me, my daughter and my family. And that’s what caught my heart. Our love, care, compassion and tenderness towards each was/is unexplainable at times. It’s deep, deep. We had ups and downs but HIS LOVE AND RESPECT for me NEVER WAVERED. When I’m with him, not even the rain can wet me. He loves and cares for my daughter like his own. There were times when I wasn’t speaking to him and he would go by my daughters school bus stop, just to see her and to make sure she got on the bus safely.
Several years ago while I was pulling into the parking lot of my apartment complex( where I used to live), I heard the spirit told me if I stopped sleeping with him, I will win his heart. I heard the spirit again, one day when I was in his kitchen, I heard something in my soul saying this is going to be your kitchen and it was like a vision flashed before my eyes. From a child I have been getting those premonitions and every-time something comes to me so randomly, it eventually happens. My dad has this gift as well. My dad is actually a man of God. I, however, tried to refrain from sex with him but my flesh was weak as well. And I know I have failed God many many times, but He doesn’t treat me as my sins deserve. He is so merciful to me.
I am gracefully broken. I have cried, I have prayed, I have fasted, I feel Like I have done it all- but I feel so broken hearted over the fact that he isn’t ready for a committed relationship still. We have spoken about it several times. He has expressed his love for me but he always tells me he wants to come correct when it comes to me. He told me he wants to do right by me and he feels like he is not in a place mentally to do what it takes to be in a committed relationship. Last night, he told me a lot and explained more of why he isn’t ready.
Lately I have been on a journey of self, trying to enjoy my singleness and trying to accept the fact that maybe God wants me to complete this process I am currently in. I started my own business a year ago (that in itself is testimony I want the world to hear about- talk about for His glory! ). I have been hearing it in my spirit that God wants me to focus on my business.
There are things I need to fix within my self that I know I can’t bring into a marriage. For example, I have trust issues and I overthink, I tend to jump to conclusions as well. I’m on a journey of preparing myself for my husband. I know that I am a wife already, even if I don’t have a ring or a Man. But When he comes I want to be ready, spiritually, mentally, financially, emotionally and physically.
My Story is far from over, but right now, I just need a word of encouragement and I also covet your prayers. I am in your Irresistible woman mentor ship program and I have learned sooooo much in such little time. I have been truly blessed. I also did your end of the year 3 day prayer sessions -which was fulfilling!
I hope to hear from you soon. I can’t wait. I will refresh my email constantly as I await your response..
Be blessed and thank you for being my mentor!