Dear Lady. Ann:
I listened to your message and got confused about where I stand: I am currently 30 Years old and single but with a child. 10 years ago, I met a Catholic man who expressed his love for me and I loved him too. In 2011, I went to another country to pursue my undergraduate education but stayed in touch with him. Graduated in 2015 and returned back to my home country in 2016 and re-united with this guy. At that point I thought he was the husband God had for me (regardless of our religion differences – I am born again Christian). I pursued the relationship, made myself more than available and became pregnant (one thing I regretted because it was against my faith). The pregnancy pushed me to pursue the relationship more aggressively for I was trying to get married before I could have the baby. But that didn’t happen (he was not ready – he made up all sorts of excuses).
When I found out I was pregnant, I had to sit down with my parents and they agreed to invite the man for the first official visit and asked him to prepare for the traditional wedding. He came for the visit but didn’t pursue the request of marriage citing Financial hardships among other issues. After this visit to my parents, I had to leave home and he rented me an apartment where I stayed while he continued to stay at his home (a big RED Flag!!). He randomly spent some nights at my place and on other days be could just pass by in the evenings and then leave to go spend the night at his place!!!!. Fast forward, I had the baby and decided to move back with my parents as I was returning to work after 3 months maternity leave.
The rented place was far and expensive for me to commute and leave the baby with a care taker. So I suggested he gets me another place nearer to my parents so that I could leave the baby with my parents and pick her after work. He refused saying he didn’t have money to pay for a new place!!! And 3 months later, he stopped paying my rent, packed my belongings and brought them back to my parents. That action threw me off and created a sour taste for this man. As my parents put it, he got rid of me!!! Bitter truth, I must say.
Love is funny, I hanged in with hopes that he will come around until the baby was 1 year old when I decided that I had had enough and I chose to end the relationship. I wrote him a letter, had a meeting with him and boldly told him, I was done with the relationship/ pretentious marriage. So Lady. Ann, when you talk about legal attachment to partners, does such a situation like mine also tie me to that man. We didn’t have a traditional marriage neither did we have a kingdom marriage but my parents gave their blessings.
I know God wanted me to get out of that relationship. Two weeks before he stopped paying my rent, I remember asking God to give me a sign if that relationship was not going to work. I was at my worst with that man and then two weeks when he stopped paying my rent and decided to bring my things back to my parents, I knew God was confirming something to me. Additionally, even when I doubtedly hanged onto him, I got another shocker from this man also showing me how I wasn’t on his mind and he didn’t care about getting married to me. That’s when I wrote the letter, met up with him and ended that relationship. I have not been with anyone since then, but now after 2+ years, I also want to get married and settle and I believe God, my father is cheering me on.
“Does your message of try to make it work with an ex apply in my context”.
Thanks!
May God continue to bless this ministry!!!❤