Dear Lady. Ann:
I’ve been on the verge of giving up on love for a long time. I’m a woman in my early thirties, and I have never had a boyfriend. I am also “untouched”. I’ve always been a heavy girl, and I was bullied all my life for it. My own father told me when I was fourteen that I was too fat and ugly to ever find love, unless the man was desperate, destitute, or really old (70+). In school, every boy made fun of my weight and told me how ugly I was. He hated me for being fat. Fast forward all the way to now, and nothing has changed. Men laugh at me, look at me with disgusted faces, say how ugly I am, and dare their friends to approach me. One even ran away from me once. When I’m with friends, men fall all over them, and I’m ignored. I feel invisible. I wish God had made me beautiful because I know it’s because I’m ugly, that’s why I don’t think I will ever find a mate.
What man would want an unattractive woman as a wife? None. I want to give up so bad, I don’t know why I haven’t yet. I have thought of plastic surgery and weight loss surgery just so I can find a companion. I cry all the time seeing women get engaged, married, and finding love left and right, and men just have a hatred for me. The man can be any race, big, small, tall, or short. Churches where I live are populated by mostly women, and elderly men. Most men don’t go to church here. I don’t know what to do anymore, except cry. I’ve prayed for years, and it seems like things get worse. I stopped praying for a mate because it’s clear that I’m meant to be alone. I’m a Christian, but it feels like God didn’t intend happiness for me, and I have leaned on Him ever since I accepted Him. The pain in my life has only grown though, and my faith has been tested severely. The more I prayed, the more I got insulted by men. My confidence struggled because when I had confidence, people looked at me as if I didn’t deserve to have confidence because I’m so fat, and ugly. Should I give up for good like I believe I should? Why didn’t God make be beautiful?