Dear Lady. Ann:
Some time ago I got helped by a man of God who is good and helped a lot of people. He is soon to be my brother in law. The Lord revealed to Him that I had a spirit husband in my life. We really got close to each other and unconsciously I started developing feelings for him and I told him but didn’t tell my sister straight away. He told me he didn’t like me but gave me instructions in order to free me & distract the spirit, he had to touch certain parts of me and I should have done the same to him. I was so desperate, naive and deceived so I couldn’t get myself loose from it or think straight and so I went ahead although I am a born again Christian. I don’t know what came over me. Fortunately we didn’t have sex. I feel so bad because anytime I think about it and it seems I am getting over it and happy again, it comes back to mind.
My sister came to find out, she forgave us both and eventually decided to accept his marriage proposal. Honestly, I am not happy about their union. Not because I don’t love my sister but I never intended to destroy their union; he has moved on with his life and sometimes even avoids me as if nothing happened. I wish I could go back in the past and erase everything, I wish I was able to rebel and refuse when I was asked to do certain things. Anytime he calls, I see his messages, statuses I become anxious, feel jealous sometimes because this man never dared to ask to touch my sister in a bad way yet he did with me. Anytime I hear them planning their wedding, honeymoon or see them together I feel either jealous a bit of bad because I am reminded of what happened to me. They have all moved on but I find it hard to move on because it was a disgraceful trauma for me.
He apologized to me but I always pretend in front of him because I don’t want troubles. How can I overcome how I feel when I often see him at Christmas family dinners, we live in the same town, he often pays visits to my parents who I live with? How can I be free? I always smile but deep within I know the reason I feel bad it is because of that traumatic experience. I have prayed to God and declared I have forgiven the man of God, I have asked Him to remove these emotions and help me on how to comport myself especially as him and my sister are journeying into marriage, but still I don’t seem to be completely free from the trauma like they are. Help please
Thank you
C.