Dear Lady. Ann:
My name is Tremaine, my middle name is Stacy, most people know me as Stacy. I Am 32 years old. I have a 9 year old son, I have never been married before but am in a relationship for a year and a few months with a guy. We have not seen each yet. We met online but we are very close. We talk on the phone often and text a few times a day. We are looking forward to meeting each other soon. I was diagnosed since I was 17 with schizophrenia. I don’t believe in my illness but I know my body and my mind and I know I have been attacked by the devil. I struggle every day to be strong. I am a certified home health aide. It’s hard most time to concentrate. I got terminated from two different jobs before that was really good.
My job as a passenger assistant agent at the airport and my job with Amazon because I was afraid to go out to work, I was very nervous and felt dizzy. Its very hard for me to keep a job because of my illness, and I’m the only one working and I have to pay the rent. I feel like I am being attacked every day. I feel a force that Is fighting me and don’t want me to be in a place I want to be. I feel very unable in my mind. I don’t have any rest. I’ve been battling for a long time, I’m very tired mentally and I feel weak. Sometimes I think about taking my life because I’m going through so much pain and suffering and I’m trapped in one mindset.
My boyfriend is very supportive. He told me to be strong and God is going to see me through, but I get angry because of my illness. I can’t control it. I can’t fight anymore and I don’t have the energy. I get angry at my boyfriend sometimes because of my illness. I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want to feel this way and I feel it pushes him away a bit when I can’t control myself. Please help me Lady. Ann. I want to be better, I want to be happy. I want to have peace, I want to have rest. I want to have a happy life and marriage with my boyfriend some day. I am always sad and depressed for years, I never smile or laugh. My face is always serious. I have no luck in my life. When I was 9 years old I was abused by my sister’s husband for years. I never had a happy life. I never had fun. Please help 😭