Dear Lady. Ann:
I remember the day it all happened like it was yesterday. We had been dating for a few weeks and I wasn’t ready for our “first time”. He always told me we could wait and that made me love him more. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was a good student and our families knew each other. My friends and I felt we were relationship goals. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for the night it happened.
He was having a party at his house and I came with a friend of mine. He kept offering me an alcoholic drink, but I wasn’t interested. I had promised my dad that I would be home early enough, and I didn’t want him smelling alcohol in my breath. He kept drinking, but I didn’t think he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. We went into his room because he wanted us to “just chill”. Everyone else was partying and the music was playing loud. We started kissing at first, which I was okay with. But he started pulling up my dress, to which I said no. I reminded him of our agreement to wait, and he responded with “stop being a p**sy”. I got offended by that statement and tried pushing him away, but he pulled me back. I struggled to get out of his grip, but he was way stronger than I was. Before I could think of another escape plan, he was on top of me. I was screaming for help initially, but after a few screams, I just laid still there. My whole body felt numb while he kept thrusting himself into me.
The one person I shared it with indirectly blamed me for what happened. She asked if I was sure I wasn’t drunk as well and just reacting from a hangover. I didn’t take a sip of anything at that party and I definitely told him No! I never shared my story with anyone else because I knew no one would believe my story. Seeing my ex every day after that night was the worst pain for me. He even denied it when I confronted him. He said it was consensual and I better not share any lies about him. I have carried this story for years and sometimes I want to talk about it, but guilt and shame overwhelm me. This is my story. Thanks for giving me a platform to pour out my heart.
-Survivor