Dear Lady. Ann:
My parents have been married for 30 years, but I wish they were divorced. So much has happened in their marriage that has resulted into resentment, hatred and bitterness. Family meetings or events are always dreadful. They hardly speak a word to each other and my mother has become so depressed, I wish she would just leave. My siblings and I have all left the house. We are all matured enough to understand a divorce.
In fact, we all agree that they need to be divorced already, but they still stay together. I grew up seeing my father talk down on my mom. It felt like he hated everything about her, and he would treat her like trash. He loves us and would do anything for us, but not my mom. My mom used to try to please him, but she could never do anything or be enough for him. Although my father never physically abused my mom, he was emotionally abusive towards her. We also knew he had various affairs, some of which were women from our city. I have personally caught him twice and even as a young girl, I kept confronting him. My mum has always been a housewife, hence why she never got to be financially independent. I think she has stayed with him because of lack of a better option and no financial security.
My relationship with my father is a terrible one because of this. I grew up resenting my father for how he treated my mom, but I noticed I was attracted to men who treated me like trash too. I always felt the need to please them and it would never be enough. Now that I realize this pattern, I am afraid to love again. I don’t want to become like my mother; unhappy, stuck and bitter. I run away from any guy who shows me a hint of negativity. I might have even chased away really great guys due to my messed-up mind. I need help.
-Messed-up
#DLATribe, how can she break off this pattern?